The first
comprehensive national survey of senior sexual attitudes, behaviors and
problems in the United States has found that most people ages 57 to 85 think of
sexuality as an important part of life and that the frequency of sexual
activity, for those who are active, declines only slightly from the 50s to the
early 70s.
Data from the
University of Chicago's National Social Life, Health and Aging Project (NSHAP),
presented in the New England Journal of Medicine, showed that many men
and women remain sexually active-participating in vaginal intercourse, oral sex
and masturbation-well into their 70s and 80s.
Obsolagnium
While the results of the survey look encouraging, it
is still natural for men to notice a gradual decrease in sex drive (libido) as
they age. The degree of this decline varies, and most men maintain certain
amount of sexual interest well into their 70s and 80s.
And here’s a new word for you: obsolagnium.
You may not find it in an ordinary dictionary. But if you are over 50, you may
well be familiar with the concept, because it means “waning sexual desire
resulting from age.”
Risk
Factors
In fact, it is rarely age per se that accounts for
declines in libido among those in the second half-century of life. Rather, it
can be any of a dozen or more factors more common in older people that account
for the changes. Many of these factors are subject to modification that can
restore, if not the sexual energy of youth, at least the desire to seek and the
ability to enjoy sex.
Nor is it just hormones. Addressing only the distaff
half of the population, the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective, in its
newest work, “Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause,” points out: “Our sexual desire
and satisfaction may be influenced by our life circumstances, including the
quality of our sexual relationships, our emotional and physical health, and our
values and thoughts about sexuality, as well as by the aging process and the
shifting hormone levels that occur during the menopause transition.”
The same, of course, is true of men. Difficult life
circumstances can do much to dampen anyone’s libido. Stress at work or home,
looming bankruptcy, impending divorce, serious illness, depression, a history
of sexual abuse and a host of medications are among the many things that can
put a big crimp in your desire for sex at any age.
Of course, illness, both mental and physical, can
seriously disrupt a healthy libido at any age. Diseases of the adrenal,
pituitary or thyroid glands can diminish sexual desire, as can depression and
anxiety. Likewise, several common cancers — especially cancers of the breast,
testes or prostate or the drugs used to treat them — may suppress the desire
for sex.
Many commonly administered medications can interfere
with sexual desire, performance or both. Among the most frequent offenders are
antidepressants and antianxiety drugs, blood pressure medications and opioid
pain relievers. High doses of alcohol likewise blunt desire as well as
performance. Even drugs taken to curb heartburn can curb the desire for sex. In
some instances, changing the dose, switching to a different drug or taking a
brief drug holiday (say, for the weekend) can boost libido.
A Change of Scene
While a drug like Viagra may help a man temporarily
overcome disease- or medication-induced erectile dysfunction, it does nothing
to increase desire, which is essential for these potency-enhancing drugs to
work.
Knowing how to please each other sustains sexual
interest for many long-established couples. But for others, familiarity can
breed boredom; they lose interest in doing the same old thing the same old way
time after time.
Novelty is a well-established sexual stimulant. An
unattached man or woman in midlife or beyond who had all but forgotten about
sex meets someone new and attractive, and suddenly the flames of sex are
reignited. This can happen, too, to very old people. Stories abound in assisted
living and nursing home facilities of elderly widows and widowers whose
long-dormant sexuality is reawakened by attraction to a new, albeit equally
old, partner.
An article in Psychology Today (2008) profiles a
therapist/author who suggests that married men with low libido can overcome
this difficult situation if they just do it. According to this article,
“their low sex drive often has little to do with hormones or biology and a lot
to do with the women in their lives. Men today, often enough, are angry at
their wives.” Readers are told that, “In the presence of a mismatch of desire,
all intimacy drops out on all levels in addition to the sexual. Couples stop
having meaningful conversations.”
Men, especially, are designed by evolution to be
attracted to sexual novelty and to gradually lose sexual attraction to the same
partner in the absence of such novelty. The so-called Coolidge Effect is well
demonstrated in social mammals of all sorts, and is old news to anyone
knowledgeable about reproductive biology.
Back in 1979, anthropologist Donald Symons pointed
out that: “Human males seem to be so constituted that they resist learning not
to desire variety despite impediments such as Christianity and the doctrine of sin;
Judaism and the doctrine of mensch; social science and the doctrines of
repressed homosexuality and psychosexual immaturity; evolutionary theories of
monogamous pair-bonding; cultural and legal traditions that support and glorify
monogamy.” Does anyone really need more examples of a man with a whole lot to
lose risking it all for sex with a woman other than his wife?
Of course, changing partners is not a realistic
option for those in a long-standing monogamous relationship in which sexual
intimacy is just a fond memory. But there are ways for such couples to
introduce novelty — ranging from a change of venue or techniques to an exchange
of fantasies or even the introduction of sex toys — that may rekindle sexual
feelings.
Even young couples can find their interest in sex
diminished by a fear of interruption or being overheard by children or an
elderly parent. It can take some effort — and perhaps a lock on the bedroom
door and background music — to reduce the risk of distractions that blunt the
flame of desire.
Aphrodisiacs
Over the years an
amazing array of substances has been proposed as aphrodisiacs. The only ones
that really do anything are what we might call quasi aphrodisiacs, notably
booze and drugs, which do not increase desire so much as they reduce
inhibitions. Some drugs also enhance sex once the show is under way. Amyl
nitrate, AKA "poppers," is said to intensify and prolong orgasm when
inhaled at the point of climax. Amphetamines can produce prolonged erection and
multiple orgasms in men, although women usually experience negative effects.
A Food and Drug
Administration advisory panel reviewed 15 alleged aphrodisiacs in 1982,
including gotu kola, ginseng, licorice, sarsaparilla, cantharides (Spanish
fly), nux vomica, Pega Palo, strychnine, and yohimbine. The panel declared
there was "no substantive evidence whatever to support the claims of
aphrodisiac action attributed to these ingredients." In some cases, in
fact, they can make things worse — strychnine, for instance. Spanish fly,
derived from a southern European beetle that is powdered and then eaten,
produces an irritation of the urethra that may mimic sexual arousal, but it can
also cause genital damage, impotence, and in extreme cases, death from shock.
Yohimbine, which
comes from the bark of a tropical tree, caused a flurry a few years ago when it
was shown to increase sex activity in rats, but tests with humans have been
disappointing. A compound related to yohimbine, papaverine, has been shown to
produce "impressive erections" if injected directly into the penis.
While potentially useful to those suffering from impotence, this doesn't sound
like something the average guy would want to fool with.
Other reputed
aphrodisiacs include megadoses of vitamin E (studies indicate it has no
effect), as well as such things as sea turtle penises, raw bull testicles, and
powdered rhinoceros horn, about which I need say no more. And then there's bee
pollen. One quack has called it "a wonderful natural food which tends to
increase the body's production of sex hormones." Some believe it also
enhances athletic performance, relieves asthma, retards aging, etc. The
evidence to date suggests otherwise. While it's legal to sell bee pollen as a
food, the FDA frowns on any claim of therapeutic benefit.
Medical
Assistance
If you're concerned about loss of sex drive —
especially if the loss happened abruptly — consult your doctor. He or she will
likely do a physical exam and lab tests to help determine what's causing the
loss of sex drive. Once any underlying factors are identified, your doctor can
suggest appropriate treatment options. For example:
- Sex drive
changes, especially in conjunction with erectile dysfunction (ED), could
be a red flag for serious medical conditions, such as a heart problem. So,
the medical treatment should be focusing on the loss of libido, but more likely
on the heart related issues.
- If loss of
sex drive is related to depression, psychotherapy alone or in combination
with antidepressant medication may help.
- If you're
diagnosed with an unusually low testosterone level, treatment options may
include testosterone replacement therapy.
- If a
certain medication is contributing to loss of sex drive, your doctor may
suggest an alternate drug.
- Erectile dysfunction is also common in older men and experts say it can cause a lowered libido in both partners.
Remember to be open and honest with your doctor. The
more you can tell him or her about your loss of sex drive, the more effective
treatment is likely to be.
Sources
and Additional Information:
